


tell me how to feel about you

by crushanlon



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: M/M, i’m from stan twitter can you tell, okay sup, songfic for tell me how by paramore, this is my first post here lmao, this is. angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 07:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14255943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crushanlon/pseuds/crushanlon
Summary: it had been months, but richie couldn’t forget.lowercase intentional





	tell me how to feel about you

_i can’t call you a stranger,_

_but i can’t call you._

 

six, maybe seven months ago, something changed. something deeply psychological had changed in one of them, maybe both.

something that made the one he loved most in the world break him apart.

 

_i know you think that i erased you._

_you may hate me,_

_but i can’t hate you, and i won’t replace you._

 

they weren’t arguing more, or at all, really. which, honestly, should have been richie’s first red flag: their dwindling bickering and small fights, something that had always come as natural to them.

it was something that made richie fall so hard for him in the first place. they were just not talking to each other all that much, not anymore. they started to make excuses to get out of hanging out, almost purposefully trying to fall apart.

 

_tell me how to feel about you now,_

_tell me how to feel about you now._

 

but when they were together, it all seemed perfect; at least to the rest of the world. they would hang out with their friends, talk, cuddle, bicker, kiss – a flawless relationship.

but, as much as both of them hated to admit, the spark that sent them into the clouds that was there every time they kissed for years on end was dulling. it wasn’t gone, richie knew for sure that it was still there – and it always would be, but it didn’t numb his fingertips and erase the rest of the world anymore. they still loved each other, but not as much.

 

_oh, let me know,_

_do i suffocate or let go_?

 

it didn’t hurt richie, because he didn’t really notice it at first.

to all the others, the hickies on _his_ neck came from richie, but richie didn’t even know they existed.

 

_i think i’m tired of getting over it,_

_and just starting something new again_.

 

richie didn’t notice the slight limp in his boyfriends walk when they linked pinkies at school, or the way he kinda winced when he sat down.

when bill would smirk and wink at him, he would be kinda confused but wink and smirk right back but never knew why he did it, exactly.

 

_i’m getting sick of the beginnings,_

_and always coming to your defenses._

 

richie started to notice when his boyfriend would skip out on their predetermined dates, or when he would look at his watch and run off suddenly, looking as remorseful and guilty as richie would accept to see.

richie started to notice when bev pointed it out in utter pride for richie, complimenting him on his ‘fucking abilities’ then laughing and pointing to his boyfriend.

 

_i guess it’s good to get it off my chest._

_i guess i can’t believe i haven’t yet._

 

and richie definitely noticed when he would show up looking bright and happy and young but guilty and sad and hopeless.

richie definitely noticed when he caught him in the bathroom at a party making out with one derek miller.

 

_y’know, i got my own convictions,_

_and they’re stronger than any addiction_

_and no one’s winning._

 

it’s been months, but richie can’t forget. he can’t forget the look on his boyfriend-of-6-years’ face when he was caught – the surprise.

richie couldn’t forget when he stormed out, when _he_ ran out after him, when he finally turned around, when richie, in his drunken, angry, haze, hit the boy he loved.

 

_tell me how to feel about you now._

_tell me how to feel about you now._

 

_oh, let me know,_

_do i suffocate or let go_?

 

six, maybe seven months ago, something changed. something deeply psychological had changed in one of them, maybe both.

something that made richie lose eddie, and vice versa.

**Author's Note:**

> sup bitch nachos
> 
> though this isnt that. long,, i hope yall fartwads like it, cause i spent like,, a solid. day on this


End file.
